The book of Samuel is full of lavatorial
shenanigans. One of the funniest is when King Saul (reigned 1047-1007 BC) was
hell-bent on killing David, despite the good turn David did him with Goliath.
Happily, David catches up with Saul first.
And he came to the sheepcotes by the way, where was a cave; and Saul went in to cover his feet: and David and his men remained in the sides of the cave.
And the men of David said unto him, Behold the day of which the Lord said unto thee, Behold, I will deliver thine enemy into thine hand, that thou mayest do to him as it shall seem good unto thee. Then David arose, and cut off the skirt of Saul’s robe privily.
(Samuel 24: 3-4)
This all seems innocuous enough until you to
get to grips with the curious comment that Saul “went in to cover his feet.”
This is a Biblical euphemism (also used in Judges 3:24) for defecation – the
logic being that the act of lowering one’s robes to bare one’s bottom would, in
fact, “cover” the feet. The eighteenth century theologian John Wesley claimed
that Saul went into the cave for a kip but in fact he went in for a dump. And
far from being a private occasion, David and his men were all watching. David
seizes the opportunity but, being such a nice bloke, he just spoils Saul’s
tailoring rather than kill him.
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