Edward Lear (1812-1888) is said to have had
a favourite story about a flatulent duchess who once farted so loudly at a
dinner party that it couldn’t be ignored. She turned to her butler and
demanded, “Johnson! Stop that!”
“Certainly, Your Grace,” the butler coolly
replied. “Which way did it go?”
Group Captain Townsend (1914-1995), who had an ill-fated
relationship with Princess Margaret in the 1950s, tells a story of another
windy duchess.
Conversation was made difficult owing to an unusual idiosyncrasy of our hostess, a dowager duchess… She had the disconcerting habit of breaking wind without the slightest regard for the company and the circumstances. I first became aware of it as I strolled with her round the garden. There came a series of reports. Not daring to believe my ears I tried to convince myself that they were just some miscellaneous garden noises. In vain. More reports followed, while her grace continued, quite unconcernedly, to extol the glories of her beautiful garden. There was no let-up at dinner, during which the startled guests either looked fixedly at the ceiling and bit their lips, or conversed, shouting at each other, hoping to drown the cannonade.
(Peter Townsend – Time and Chance 1978)
The first of these two limericks dates back at least to the 1960s. Whether either of them was inspired by Lear’s duchess or by Townsend’s is unknown.
I sat next to the Duchess at tea;
It was just as I thought it would be:
Her noises abdominal
Were simply phenomenal,
And everyone thought it was me!
I sat next to the Duchess at tea;
Who asked "Do you fart when you pee?"
I replied "Not a bit -
Do you belch when you shit?"
And I felt it was one up to me!
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